clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
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He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
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I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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