He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
