Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
