i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize