Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
