I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
