I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
