We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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