I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
