Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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