Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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