I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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