So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
