4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
