I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
