I'm jealous of your bromance
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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