No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
