so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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