i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
