i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
