it was like his penis was on wheels.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Couch. On fire.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
