we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
ttyl tear gas
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
