Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
