lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
