last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
