I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
