nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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