I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
