I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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