too bad you live with your parents still
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
