he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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