my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
So gin and wine won't be happening again
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
