Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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