I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize
