Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Randomize
