he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
