i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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