Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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