so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
