You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
