i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
