i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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