how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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