I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
