I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She's the barista slut.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Everclear isn't food dammit
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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