I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
