She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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