So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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