so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
