last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
This is the prime rib incident all over again
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throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
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I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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