She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
