i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
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the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
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do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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