fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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