Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
