forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
