oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you traded sex for a burrito?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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