even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
