You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
