You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I wish my penis had an off switch
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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