I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
