Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
