No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
