Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
