I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
