you guys were way drunker than both of me
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
you inspire me to be a worse person
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
