My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
