Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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