textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
