Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
