Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He kissed a someone with a penis
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
