she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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