We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
