I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
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You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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