Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
