you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
